How to Find a Therapist & What to Ask During the Initial Consultation

One of the most common things I hear from clients is how difficult it can be to find the right therapist! It often feels a bit like dating, especially if you’re looking outside of insurance networks and don’t know where to start. 

Part of the challenge is that the relationship between client and therapist is one of the biggest predictors of success in therapy. And success in therapy isn’t linear. Some sessions bring clarity and relief, while others stir up emotions or leave you feeling unsure. Both are part of the healing process. But having the right therapist, someone who makes you feel safe, understood, and who invites you to be your full, authentic self, can make all the difference. 

Questions to Ask Yourself Before the Initial Consult

• What kind of relationship am I hoping for with my therapist (e.g., nurturing, direct, curious, affirming, relatable)

• Do I want someone similar to me in age, gender, identity or lived experience?

• Do I prefer warmth and listening or a more structured, goal-oriented approach?

• Would i like homework, tools, or practices between sessions?

• Are in-person, virtual, or hybrid sessions the best format for me?

• Do I want a therapist who focuses on emotions and body cues (“bottom-up approach”) or one who focuses on thoughts and beliefs (“top-down approach”).

• Do I want a more relational therapist who might self-disclose, or do I prefer a traditional blank slate style or a ix?

• Would a systems approach be helpful (a therapist who considered family, culture, environment)?

• Do I want progress measured with forms and assessments, or more organically?

Questions to Ask Your Therapist During an Initial Consult 

• What’s your general approach or philosophy? 

• How do you structure the intake process and sessions after that?

• What kinds of clients do you work with most often?

• What training modalities do you use (e.g., EMDR, CBT, DBT, IFS)

• What’s your availability and fee structure? Do you offer superbills for insurance reimbursement?

• What’s your cancellation policy?

• Do you assign homework or resources?

• How do you practice cultural humility?

• How do you stay fresh with your therapeutic training?

• How do I know when therapy is working–or when I’m ready to end?

A Few Final Tips

• It’s totally okay to try a few sessions before making a decision! If you’re not feeling the vibe after 2-3 sessions, it’s okay to be honest with your therapist. Therapists are used to this and want to ensure you feel as safe and comfortable as possible. If it’s not a good fit for you, there’s likely a different therapist with different training who can better serve your needs. 

• Therapy is a collaborative space, so you’re allowed to ask for what you need, shift goals or focus, or bring in feedback any time. That’s part of the process!